Today I thought I wonder if my blog is still active, and it is. So many places to read and snop into the lives of others these days, I doubt anyone actually reads this. It is life. Have a great day!

Life Now

So much has happened in the past two years in my life. My family has faced illness, death, heartache, and other major issues. Personally, I have tried to find a way out, out of my own head, out of my childhood town, out of the box that I have built myself. Life is a series of choices, both good and bad, at times these choices feel right at other they feel wrong. I look back over my life and I see the choices and the roads that I have chosen. I left home to go to college at age 18 and I thought then that I would start a new life. I believed that I would have a fun four years of college, so different from high school, and then graduate and find my dream job and start a new family. For a brief moment in time I thought that all those pieces were going to fall into place, but that dream was shattered one moment after another. I moved back to my childhood home, found a semi-decent job and began to work. Now years later I am still in the same place, I have very little to show for my time on this planet. People always seem to want to tear down what little that I have accomplished. I feel worthless most days, unappreciated the other days. I see ways to leave, roads that I can chose, but I see other roads that I need to finish first. I realized that there are few people who care, and fewer that are unselfish in their motivations. I know that I am truly alone in this world and it is not good to be all alone. I have a handful of close people who truly care about me but I see through the others in my life that only want to use me to further some agenda that they have thought up. Somedays I want to pack a bag and get in my vehicle and just drive away, never settle down, never expecting anything else but the next road. Oh well life continues to churn ....

I am always amazed at what people think and say. If we put as much effort in productive ways instead of talking and worrying about different things we would all be richer.

Ever seem like what you are or what you do is not good enough? Ever have that wow moment when you realize that people just like to use and abuse you for their own means? I have had these moments for about two months now. I want to just scream and cry and get it all out but for some reason I stay quiet and just keep going. Maybe it will all get better, maybe I will change. Who knows what the future holds for me? I don't anymore.

I have a headache today. Seems that I have a headache everyday anymore. I once thought that life was a journey and that all things in time would work out and become clear. Sometimes I would watch as an observer and sometimes I would be a participate. I never thought of changing the world, I never had some great ambition. I have always wanted the simpler things in life, family, love, good health, enough security to live comfortably. I suppose as I have gotten older and saw things through the eyes of an adult I have came to realize what a selfish, hyprocitical, political, and unfair world that we all life. I just want to have a nice home, a decent car, and a family that is healthy and happy. I look around and I see this things in other peoples lives and I wonder what I ever did or what caused my life to be so hard and difficult. I have always tried to be honest and true to all those in my life. Maybe I need to change and be selfish and hard like all these other people.

I just don't know anymore...

I am tired this evening. Seems that the world is closing in on me. I have felt bad for awhile now and I can not decide what I should do. It seems that each time that I figure out one part of my life a question arises in another part. I suppose that is life. I am happy for the most part and I realize that I am lucky in alot of ways in life. It has taken me sometime to realize all this but I am content. I just wish that I would feel better.

I have noticed something about people in general. It seems that people have no concept of a world without the internet. They look up phone numbers to local places, play games that are silly when in reality they could never complete those same tasks in reality. I may be getting older and more old fashioned or maybe I see the end of civilization as we know it coming, but people learn real life skills. Technology is important and it does make life easier but I also like the idea that I can grow a garden or read a book. Look beyond the easy and learn these tasks or the human race is doomed. That is my rant for today.