Life Now

So much has happened in the past two years in my life. My family has faced illness, death, heartache, and other major issues. Personally, I have tried to find a way out, out of my own head, out of my childhood town, out of the box that I have built myself. Life is a series of choices, both good and bad, at times these choices feel right at other they feel wrong. I look back over my life and I see the choices and the roads that I have chosen. I left home to go to college at age 18 and I thought then that I would start a new life. I believed that I would have a fun four years of college, so different from high school, and then graduate and find my dream job and start a new family. For a brief moment in time I thought that all those pieces were going to fall into place, but that dream was shattered one moment after another. I moved back to my childhood home, found a semi-decent job and began to work. Now years later I am still in the same place, I have very little to show for my time on this planet. People always seem to want to tear down what little that I have accomplished. I feel worthless most days, unappreciated the other days. I see ways to leave, roads that I can chose, but I see other roads that I need to finish first. I realized that there are few people who care, and fewer that are unselfish in their motivations. I know that I am truly alone in this world and it is not good to be all alone. I have a handful of close people who truly care about me but I see through the others in my life that only want to use me to further some agenda that they have thought up. Somedays I want to pack a bag and get in my vehicle and just drive away, never settle down, never expecting anything else but the next road. Oh well life continues to churn ....